Trust and Obey

to be happy in Jesus is to trust and obey.

I am a well loved child of the King of Everything. He has been holding my hand today, when I would let him. You know the little ones who have learned to walk. How they shake off that hand. I will do that with my Father. Won't you?

I am so happy that that hand just stays right there.

Today I reached back up before I fell and needed to cry and be picked up and brushed off. Today I shook the hand off, but took it back.

There was someplace I had to walk this evening and I knew that I needed him to walk me through the wilderness. Now all I remember of the journey is that I was with him. I remember his help over the humps, but I do not remember the humps.

Father, I could second guess the work done tonight. While I did it I kept trying to analyse it. But you kept soothing me. Thank you. I trust you with tomorrow. I so want to shine for you.

Doors

I love the doors. A knock comes. A phone rings. Someone writes a note. Someone stops by. The key is the angle of repose. The key is the rested posture. The seat in the embrace of my Father passes through, effortlessly through every holy doorway.

So the key thing to work on, apply love to, is the leaning, the resting, the trusting of God. I will cling to my King. I can only go wrong by doing it myself.

Father, hold me very tight. I trust that if I will refrain from struggling to escape, nothing can take me from your embrace and I will walk in the direction of your kingdom and glory and power. All that is right is you. I hear. I will stay near and keep your scent in my nose.

What I am afraid of

Sometimes it takes me time to figure out what is going on. I have to look at what I am being tempted with to figure out what I am holding back from my Father. It is so easy to stay in the habits of pride. All I need is to turn to my Father with what concerns me, and he will perfect it. I can not do what will matter in the issues that I am assaulted with. I get a chance to be reminded of how small I am, and how great my Father is.

There really is a special spiritual thing about fathers and sons. And the key stories involve fathers trusting God with their sons. Father, I am tempted to worry about my son. So all the more, I surrender my Isaac to you. I trust your plan because I want to trust my plan. I need to trust you more than I need to trust my plan. All of my plans without you seemed so well reasoned until they broke under my weight and cut me. Who can compare leaning on the arm of God with leaning on the marsh reeds of Egypt. Have mercy on my son and his mother. Grant us the grace needed to bring to you the Glory that is yours. Restore my soul. I need you, Daddy.

How can so many be wrong?

Does it matter?

It just seems like there are more things to be concerned about than need be. He will perfect that which concerns me. If I have a concern, it can be turned into a prayer and from there into a matter of faith. Done.

I know that the moment any of it is a burden that can not be resolved in prayer, I have taken on the work of a god. As such, my pride is showing and I need to repent and move on.

Maybe this is just my perspective. I know I do not see things in the same way as everyone else. Does that make them wrong?

Daddy, thank you for the vision, the sight you have given me. Forgive my judging now. Especially where it gets in the way of hearing and discerning. I really want the whole learning and application.

Anchored

The sea anchor holds, not in place, but on course. The sea anchor makes the vessel appear, to the sea, like a much larger vessel. The laws make the sea act toward me not as I am in the flesh, but "larger than life." The laws at work in the sea see a bigness I can never reach on my own.

When I have ventured out and can not get back, I can set my anchor and let go of the wheel. My trust in God will keep me turned and properly oriented toward the storm.

I did not invent the sea anchor or the idea by which it works. These things are much older than me. What I have is what we all have. That is the fresh opportunity to go out, and the fresh opportunity to trust the designer and maker. It is good, too, to be far from being the first who has trusted.

Thank you, Father for someone to trust. Thank you that you hold, that you are trustworthy. I need you so much.

Quitting

Tonight this journal goes private. I do not know if it will ever go public again. Now the blogger account simply provides a place in the cloud to store the writing.

I expect this change to change the writing. No matter how hard or not I tried, I was always writing for my potential readers, who would then validate my effort by commenting and telling others about the writing. Approval addiction is a bitch.

Daddy, I need your approval and I have it. I know that you are and have ever been there for me. I have been and will be finding my rest in You. See, even the capitalization has been for them. I know that you will love me if I do not capitalize every reference to you.

It hurts to make mistakes with my boy. It hurts that he does not trust me. And all the while, all I want him to do is trust you. I am so honored that he called for prayer. I think maybe he is seeing my walk with you. I hope so. It is very good. Thank you for telling and showing me how you love me, and teaching me how to love.

Wow. Key words are now for me, not them.

Control

If only it was possible to control the circumstances. If only it was possible to control the future. If only it was possible to control the fear. If only it was possible to control the pain. If only it was possible to still the voices.

But it is not possible and it is not going to be possible.

If only it was possible to release the circumstances, the future, the fear, the pain, the voices.

It is possible. Come to me, all you that labor and are heavy laden. EVERYTHING can be laid down.

I am around a lot of scared people. Father help me to shine with the light of your liberty. Help me show them that they can be free of that body of death.

Veneer. Show the veneer for what it is.

PrayerLog, PraLog, Prog

There are millions of people with blogs. Of them, there are hundreds of blogs that have significant numbers of readers who keep coming back. Those blogs are an influential force in society that did not even exist a short time ago.

I keep looking at the comments and stats. I really want people to discover this blog. I want referral to take it to where lots of people read it and come back regularly because it makes a difference. Maybe that is the fruit, from yesterday's post.

So the fruit will come, but it does not need tending.

That is the answer, then. Anchor and Adoration. The pursuit of Christ and the constant guidance of Christ set the entire journey. Walking in utter darkness if necessary, but walking in pursuit of Christian intimacy, with unhesitating guidance guaranteed for each step. And the journey stays on course, and the journey maintains headway.

Is knowing that the journey is on course and maintaining headway enough? Yup. On faith. Time now to go in the experience. Hold my hand, Daddy.

So Easy So Hard So Simple So Complex

The only way to know if the moment to moment decisions are right and wise is the lovely fruit.
But some fruit comes quick and some fruit comes very slow. It seems as though the more precious the fruit, the longer it takes to ripen. Waiting for fruit to ripen takes spirit fruit.

Then Daddy says I should trust him enough to not wait for the fruit. He says waiting for the fruit to ripen is looking back when my hand is on the plow. I am going to be too noisy and miss directions. I am going to be proud and fail to submit. I am going to walk in old ruts and miss new paths of wisdom. I am going to bear withered and stunted fruit.

He says I am going to learn more by pressing in and pressing on than looking back to analyze the character of the fruit and figure out every good and less than good thing that went into producing it. The fruit is important, but the learning to consistently trust the anchor for direction and the desire for intimacy for driving forward power and speed is best.

Wow. Meat. Time to chew. Thanks, Daddy.

I keep writing about the same thing. Do you think I am obsessed? Sometimes I think I am writing to convince my reader. I have to stop that.

The job is to reflect back to Jesus what it is like for me to go walking with Him. Forgive me.

Lost and found. Both at the same time. I have forsaken my mother's house and I have gone out to be with Him. I have forsaken my "right" to take care of myself, and I have placed my care in His hand, from which I can not be snatched. The territory becomes increasingly strange and dangerous, and the companionship becomes increasingly intimate.

Thank you for breathing you life into me.

Faith in Christ

Clinging to nothing else is not enough. That just means adrift.

Clinging, leaning all on Christ is enough and all. The Word, the message of good news is that there is a place to lean, it is a place worthy of your trust, and it is the only place to lean on that matters. So that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

What is the purpose of having eternal life? For the healing of the nations. For the manifestation of the Kingdom of God.

Bring the Kingdom of God into your places, and see life, love, flow into Kingdomless corners and hearts. Having eternal life, bear eternal life into the waste places. Only Kingdom people can bring the Kingdom. Only vessels of perfect love can make it available for the removal of fear.

Plenty of nice religions out there for those who need one. Only one place to trust, rest, heal, hope. And then walk out, carrying water to the thirsty.

Daddy, thank you for Your Word of Truth.

Simple

Simple things? Simply fewer things? Simple relationships? Avoid new complications?

At the end of the last work week, Daddy just said, "Simple." I am watching and listening to see how that works in His Kingdom here on earth. It is so easy to do, to do by my self, which means to complicate everything. Only operating in pure grace makes way for simplicity. Nothing needs to be a busy scramble.

It could be that "simple" is just another way to say "Shhhhh." Been hearing that one too. I know this. My efforts to do more or better are always noisier and more complicated.

Father, thank you for persisting with me, especially when I don't get it the first time. Don't give up on me. Especially after the price you paid to get me back home.

Biscuits

I made scratch biscuits today. My "Ratios" book has been fantastic reading, but I found I had not made much of what Michael wrote about. Bread 5/3, Pate au chou (don't remember the ratio or how to spell it. Creme puff dough and dumpling dough. Great dumplings.),and the best pancake recipe in the world.

Since I live in biscuit territory, the land of soft white wheat, I wanted to try this recipe. And my sister had sent my son Vermont maple syrups, so we had to have something to put them on. You know. Just gotta.

I know two things for certain. 1. Best biscuits I ever put my mouth on. Sorry, Mom. (Maybe because I made them.) 2. Not the same quick bread product served here abouts. Not going to ruin me for a Bojangles' biscuit. Just not going to confuse the two very different foods.

So...Holy Wild?

God cares about food. Read His book, if you doubt. I am not going to write a food blog, but I am also not going to miss a chance to express my gratitude.

Father, thank you for biscuits, and all that they are and mean. Thank you for South Carolina winter wheat, that SHOUTS out of the ground in the spring, proclaiming the power of Your economy. Thank you for dairy, and the long relationship your children have had with dairy animals. Thank you for fresh butter and milk that make this recipe all that it is. Thank you for salt. Whole libraries can be written to extol this marvelous mineral that ties us to the earth from which we came and to which our bodies will return. For baking powder. For man and his oven. For Michael Ruhlman. For cook books, the sharing of food stories down generations.

In this case, thank You for honey and maple syrup. Get that now. How bizarre are those two sweets, and so different. How many ways You have hidden / stored away the sweetness you built our mouths to crave.

Out

A guy called with an out. Part of my thought after the call, when thinking about the out was, "This is my last chance to get out." Without any delay, the Holy Ghost said, "You are already out."

Without any delay, I agreed. With the Holy Ghost.

I have become aware of how much this walk in the wilderness has effected me, but I had not realized that I was out. I am. Out.

There is nothing about my circumstances that I need to change, or get out of. I am out of my circumstances. They are still here, but I am not in them.

The only time my circumstances touch me is when I touch them, when I reach out to modify them by my personal ability. I am sitting adrift in a small boat on brown water with a steady slap of motion. If I dip my hands in to influence speed or direction, my hands get wet. In the mean time, for this to be worthwhile, I also have to look up to make the effort produce a desired effect. Just reaching in and pulling on the water is fruitless. I might be drawing myself in exactly the wrong direction. If I am willing to simply sit as I have been, the boat will arrive. Even then I am not obligated to look up and see where the journey has taken me.

I do not want to look up. I have found my focus. I have found the reason for my eyes, for my vision. My eyes draw me near to my beloved. And He embraces me.

Father, I trust You. It delights me to my center that I have found the definition of trustworthy.

Nothing like a great worship song.

Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul

OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .

PLEASE take hold of my hand, that
I might understand you

Won't you please
Oh won't you

Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul

OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .

Won't you please
Oh won't you

Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me, Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul

OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .

George Harrison

201011141844

This is the second day that my blog reader has a subscription to a prayer wall. http://www.24-7prayer.com/wailingwall/

Normally my prayer is lead by Spirit whispers. This new opportunity to be aware of the heart cries of brothers and sisters is very different. Normally I have a name and no details. With the wall I often have some details, and rarely a name.

I am looking forward to seeing what kinds of new responses this brings from me, and what kind of new tools it calls for.

The really awe inspiring aspect is that everyone posting prayer on the wall really means it. They have both a desire for an answer and enough belief in prayer that they are taking the time to put their hearts on the wall.

I do not know what their expectations are of others here reading, agreeing, interceding. In most cases it looks like they don't really expect us, they just expect God...which is really cool, and most likely the part that really matters.

Father, help me to love these petitioners, and to know how to agree with each one.

201011132241

How? Why? When?

I do not know how I got here. I do know there was corner to turn, that I was anticipating the corner, that I could not see it until I got there, and that I made the turn when I got to it.

Yup. It was in the pain. In the ache. In the trial. I made the turn because I needed to be moving in a new direction, on a new path, with a new destination somewhere ahead. And I was not alone. The Church was with me. Thank you, Father, for your Church.

I do not wish that pain for anyone. But I do pray that the signs for the exit ramps and entrance ramps will be properly illuminated at just the right times, and that we will all have the humility to give ourselves over to the service of a navigator.

For me the process of getting here took a stripping down to essentials. When everything is heavy, it gets easier to identify things that need to be discarded and abandoned. I do not believe it makes it any easier to release them. That they are no longer worth carrying just becomes clear. Clear as crystal.

So I wake up one day clinging to my King. My hands feel like they have the habit in muscle memory. So I have been clinging long enough to develop the hands for it. Might be like developing hinds feet for high places.

If my hands have developed into hands made by practice to cling to God, it also means that He is faithful to be there to be clung to. He has been within reach every time. He has persisted in being there for the duration of each encounter.

Every other handhold tried has proven to be unavailable and/or made temporary by my depending on it. I have awakened, having forsaken false hopes. Unreliable reeds.

I see new places that promise safety and rest without holiness. But, somehow, my hands are in the habit of clinging where they have never been betrayed.

And it smells so good here, Daddy.

Poetry

I am not a poet, but my Father is. I am not a song writer or a painter or a play-write. But my Father is. Last night I was surprised by poetry that came from my fingers, so surprised that I posted the line on facebook. It resonated with some friends and they said so.

There is so much in the depths of exploration, in insisting on clinging to the bosom of the King. I don't expect that my Father is making me a poet, but I am sure that His poetry is saturating me as I dream upon His breast. I hope for the day when it is the perfume of His Presence coming from me that brings someone home. And that day I will have been so near to the aroma for so very long that I will not smell it on me, and I will wonder what has drawn them.

One thing have I desired. One thing have I been granted. One thing have I rejoiced in and given thanks for.

I went adventuring with my King this weekend. I had two distinct opportunities to stay at home "on the porch" or go adventuring. In both instances, my soul said I should stay home, and my Lord said I should go out walking with Him.

Adventuring was better. And He kept me. So I am okay, and I am stretched by daring to trust Him. He said that He would never leave me nor forsake me.

Decisions of the magnitude made this weekend will never appear so big again. Now what will appear big, and will require leaning on the arm of my Beloved, will be the next arena for growth, and the next, and the next. Each marking parts of my life that I want to retain control of.

Father, I know there is a day coming when all of me is resting on and trusting all of You. I thank You for the promise of that day. In the meantime, thank you for each moments mercy, grace, favor, wisdom, patience, love, courage, and hope.

Fall Back

It is so easy to switch to "human doing" from "human being." It is the default response. I am refusing today.

See, I should be able to fix my world, right? Wrong. What I can effect is the small stuff. The significant stuff I can not touch. That is really frustrating if my default is doing in response to recognizing a need.

I stepped out of my world this morning and went to a new place, and met some new people. And recognized an ache too big for me to touch. And now I ache for them. Which is what I was made for.

Now I get to crawl back up on my Fathers lap and tell him about what I saw, heard and felt. I am so grateful for my Fathers lap. Otherwise I would just ache, and have no place to go, no one to tell about them.

Their situation is no different than anyone else's. They need to find their way home to Dad, and to the rest that being home provides.

It hurts so bad to know that there is not enough of me, that I am not able to humanly demonstrate to them that there is rest. Pride is screaming because there is a need that I was built to recognize and not be able to do anything about. If I could effect it, it would not be worth effecting. This is the place to get to in learning to pray. Where the only thing I can do is admit my powerlessness and trust my Higher Power. To say, "Daddy, they hurt so much for lacking Your Rest. They scrabble and howl and reach in the rut. Please have mercy on them. Continue to show them your loving kindness. Continue to send your light into their darkness."

It is going to be so cool to see the whole picture. Thanks for making me part of it.