Quitting

Tonight this journal goes private. I do not know if it will ever go public again. Now the blogger account simply provides a place in the cloud to store the writing.

I expect this change to change the writing. No matter how hard or not I tried, I was always writing for my potential readers, who would then validate my effort by commenting and telling others about the writing. Approval addiction is a bitch.

Daddy, I need your approval and I have it. I know that you are and have ever been there for me. I have been and will be finding my rest in You. See, even the capitalization has been for them. I know that you will love me if I do not capitalize every reference to you.

It hurts to make mistakes with my boy. It hurts that he does not trust me. And all the while, all I want him to do is trust you. I am so honored that he called for prayer. I think maybe he is seeing my walk with you. I hope so. It is very good. Thank you for telling and showing me how you love me, and teaching me how to love.

Wow. Key words are now for me, not them.