Constant

Boy wants me to be constant, in season and out. I need that from my Father as well. I suppose that as long as I am alive and near my son, there will be parts of what he needs to lean on God for, that he will still lean on me for. And I will ultimately fail him, no matter how godlike I try to be.

Maybe I can give my self over and be Christlike enough to at least point him to our Father in heaven. I do not mind my son looking to me for stability. And I guess I am hardwired to try to be stable. I know I have darned well been trained to be stable. That was the thing my Dad was best at.

Unfortunately, the stability that I was trained to provide is not the stability that is stable enough. My boy has to find his way to leaning on his Beloved. I do not want to fail, but ultimately that is what it takes.

Father, help me to be the father that my son needs. Thank you that I have found the Father and the Fathering that is my greatest need, in You. Thank you that you have made it so that I no longer walk like an orphan.

Strength in Surrender

My soul will never be strong enough to weather the storms. Thankfully, it does not need to be. My soul can shut up and rest on my spirit. My spirit is bound to His Spirit, and nothing is stronger. I am going to know what to say when. I am going to know when to be very still, and when to use my mouth to war for my corner of the Kingdom of God.

I think there is more time needed in stillness. Not sure? Well, I am going to try that as the first wise choice and see how it works. There is no pulling words back.

I want so to proudly prove my little orphan self is capable of self care. To do so, though, I have to act on my own. Father will not aid my defense of foolishness.

Father, thank you that you have clearly described and defined your self. Thank you that you have left no need for doubt. If I have doubt it is because I brought it to the party.