Funny hunger today. Lots of soul in there. Soul, shut up and sit down. It is okay.
I guess the beyond will look like the fullness of OKAY. Where we never forget that it is okay. Where we never doubt that it is okay. Where we can not hear the whispers that challenge the truth. Where ever scar in the emotions is erased, where every habit of self protection and self rescue and self medication has been replaced with "no room for anything but awe."
I want more awe now so I have less doubt and fear. So I have less hunger that is not about fuel for this body, and rather is about self care. Help me make the link, the connection. I want hunger at the wrong time to tell me that my circumstances have poked a sore spot in my soul. So I can immediately grab it and run toward the Throne with it, calling out for my big brother Jesus to put his hands on it.
Thanks, Dad. Help me grab and go.
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
What are we full of?
What am I full of today? What will ooze out on those who I touch? Wow. Will I touch anyone today? How about that. I can be full of God and be of no particular Kingdom purpose. Going to visit my sibs this week, so there is a chance there.
Am I still afraid the world will contaminate me? Is that why I do not live like the King is at home? Or am I afraid he is really not there? Or do I really believe in a little god who is not able to save me, much less help them? Either way, I am not repping the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I live this way...and I know better.
So habits and ruts are still in play. Some days both feet are deep. Some days maybe I have on foot in and one foot out. Which can be dreadfully uncomfortable when the two paths diverge. Which they do. God has no reason to walk beside my rut. My rut only leads down.
Father, you say that you restore my soul. I receive and accept your word today. Gather us under your wing, like chicks today. Remind us of what home is like.
Help me understand how to stay home and be in the marketplace. Oh. You will go to the marketplace with me, and I will be whole in your presence. Okay.
Am I still afraid the world will contaminate me? Is that why I do not live like the King is at home? Or am I afraid he is really not there? Or do I really believe in a little god who is not able to save me, much less help them? Either way, I am not repping the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I live this way...and I know better.
So habits and ruts are still in play. Some days both feet are deep. Some days maybe I have on foot in and one foot out. Which can be dreadfully uncomfortable when the two paths diverge. Which they do. God has no reason to walk beside my rut. My rut only leads down.
Father, you say that you restore my soul. I receive and accept your word today. Gather us under your wing, like chicks today. Remind us of what home is like.
Help me understand how to stay home and be in the marketplace. Oh. You will go to the marketplace with me, and I will be whole in your presence. Okay.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Astounding
Nobody said it would be like this. Maybe those who know are going on being astounded by even more astounding love, so they are too busy to say. Actually, Steve Avant acted like this was his experience of grace, but I did not want to believe him.
Look. I get a call that historically sent me. Now, no send. Just good questions to ask and good actions to take. Then a soul at rest. Then knowing...knowing what to do next and when, and all a soul at rest. Then having acted, among other souls, still a soul at rest and still knowing what to do when, at rest. Favor and grace at every turn. Clarity of mind, absence of fear.
This is Kingdom living. Thank you, Father. Please keep me astounded. Please continue to give me opportunities to receive love and give it away.
Look. I get a call that historically sent me. Now, no send. Just good questions to ask and good actions to take. Then a soul at rest. Then knowing...knowing what to do next and when, and all a soul at rest. Then having acted, among other souls, still a soul at rest and still knowing what to do when, at rest. Favor and grace at every turn. Clarity of mind, absence of fear.
This is Kingdom living. Thank you, Father. Please keep me astounded. Please continue to give me opportunities to receive love and give it away.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Mean Pinball
Listening to Pandora.
I am here to write. Joanne said to just write is a success secret.
In this context, to just pray is the success secret.
I do not need to say anything. I need to listen to the Spirit and say what I hear.
We need to be provoked by the Spirit to rest ever more completely upon the trustworthy King.
I know this is true for several reasons, but the important reason at the moment is that it is entirely counter-rational and entirely intuitive. Now that is not the same as finding something irrational to do and calling it a mission from God. But if it is a mission from God, it will not make sense to the rational mind.
The opposing force is the being-restored soul. Habits of thought, feeling and action make for easy decisions that require no stillness and listening and obeying and trusting. Just rut walking.
The deeper the work of restoration, the greater the need of Christlikeness in the moment, the greater the shaking. It can feel...like anything, as long as how it feels can oppose the truth.
This is a dangerous God, fundamentally opposed to my plans and habits.
Father have mercy on us. We are not able to walk in your way without mercy that we will never be able to deserve. Yet once we have put our hand to your plow, we must walk in your way. No Spots, No Wrinkles. My cry tonight. Not wealthy, Not witty, Not even wise. One Bride. One Spotless Bride.
I am here to write. Joanne said to just write is a success secret.
In this context, to just pray is the success secret.
I do not need to say anything. I need to listen to the Spirit and say what I hear.
We need to be provoked by the Spirit to rest ever more completely upon the trustworthy King.
I know this is true for several reasons, but the important reason at the moment is that it is entirely counter-rational and entirely intuitive. Now that is not the same as finding something irrational to do and calling it a mission from God. But if it is a mission from God, it will not make sense to the rational mind.
The opposing force is the being-restored soul. Habits of thought, feeling and action make for easy decisions that require no stillness and listening and obeying and trusting. Just rut walking.
The deeper the work of restoration, the greater the need of Christlikeness in the moment, the greater the shaking. It can feel...like anything, as long as how it feels can oppose the truth.
This is a dangerous God, fundamentally opposed to my plans and habits.
Father have mercy on us. We are not able to walk in your way without mercy that we will never be able to deserve. Yet once we have put our hand to your plow, we must walk in your way. No Spots, No Wrinkles. My cry tonight. Not wealthy, Not witty, Not even wise. One Bride. One Spotless Bride.
Demanding
This is the only demanding link on my favorites bar. And even here I can even come and look at my stats, as they are. Even facebook, with all of its potential for receiving output does not demand it like the blogger does.
But you know, the demand is only perceived, not real.
What if the demand was a celebration of opportunity? If I could see the end and rejoice in the outcome. If I could see the process and rejoice in the inflow of the Spirit that makes the writing possible.
Then I think about other bloggers, especially ones who have subscribers. Why are they writing? How much do they feel a demand that they think they can not satisfy? Who are they writing for?
All of this speaks into what I am doing here. The one thing I know is that all of this is prayer. It even usually transforms into a form of prayer by the end of the post. That is what puts a lie to the demand. I am coming here to meet with my Father. To sit and listen, and to speak sometimes. There is no demand in our sitting. He does not need anything from me. Everything I really need is completely satisfied in my entering, sitting, listening and speaking.
So the demand is a lie of my little broken soul. I will fail to succeed, it says. Pants on fire.
Father, so many lies and so many lie believers. So much truth and so many truth believers. Help us shine for you today. Help us reflect your truth.
But you know, the demand is only perceived, not real.
What if the demand was a celebration of opportunity? If I could see the end and rejoice in the outcome. If I could see the process and rejoice in the inflow of the Spirit that makes the writing possible.
Then I think about other bloggers, especially ones who have subscribers. Why are they writing? How much do they feel a demand that they think they can not satisfy? Who are they writing for?
All of this speaks into what I am doing here. The one thing I know is that all of this is prayer. It even usually transforms into a form of prayer by the end of the post. That is what puts a lie to the demand. I am coming here to meet with my Father. To sit and listen, and to speak sometimes. There is no demand in our sitting. He does not need anything from me. Everything I really need is completely satisfied in my entering, sitting, listening and speaking.
So the demand is a lie of my little broken soul. I will fail to succeed, it says. Pants on fire.
Father, so many lies and so many lie believers. So much truth and so many truth believers. Help us shine for you today. Help us reflect your truth.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Another Friday Night
There is something about the transition into the weekend. Last week it was running up to get the boy. This week sitting over supper with the men of two Baptist congregations. I prefer a transitional event to just going to the house.
Work is such a big thing right now. Every week seems so full, yet there is room to stop and move into a couple of days of rest. Well, at least relative rest. I just spent the last hour on the phone and computer. But they are put away now.
And the weekend is underway. No big plans. Really the best part of these weekends without the lad are the routines of maintaining the livability of the house. Trash run, vacuuming, laundry. There is a rhythm there that is satisfying and much better than sitting. Sitting does have it's place. So does at least a bit of yard work, especially since cooler weather is here. Another transition.
There has been such grace for the trials and challenges of the work week, Father. There has also been genuine emotion, as well, with properly placed expression. At least I think so. Father, I am so certain there is room there, in expression, in safe expression, for further restoration of my soul. There is still so much that gets in the way of full freedom to pour out the love you keep me full of. When I will let you. Thank you. You are the definition of faithful.
Work is such a big thing right now. Every week seems so full, yet there is room to stop and move into a couple of days of rest. Well, at least relative rest. I just spent the last hour on the phone and computer. But they are put away now.
And the weekend is underway. No big plans. Really the best part of these weekends without the lad are the routines of maintaining the livability of the house. Trash run, vacuuming, laundry. There is a rhythm there that is satisfying and much better than sitting. Sitting does have it's place. So does at least a bit of yard work, especially since cooler weather is here. Another transition.
There has been such grace for the trials and challenges of the work week, Father. There has also been genuine emotion, as well, with properly placed expression. At least I think so. Father, I am so certain there is room there, in expression, in safe expression, for further restoration of my soul. There is still so much that gets in the way of full freedom to pour out the love you keep me full of. When I will let you. Thank you. You are the definition of faithful.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Break on through
How much does feeling count? Especially when knowing is available, and when knowing contradicts feeling?
Just asking that question made feeling quieter.
I had gotten to leaning on feeling, depending on it as a reference. In that case, even physical pain is a strong thing and can become an anchoring place.
The only problem is that any feeling is a false anchor. Relying on feeling when there is nothing else seems so right. Relying on feeling when there is so much more is an entirely different thing.
Knowing God, even just a little bit, takes away the supreme position of feeling. The soul can no longer dominate. At that moment, the true head of the man, his own spirit, is quickened and steps back up to headship. I can choose to give over to my soul, but I do not ever have to again.
I am made alive again my the Spirit of God. My spirit is quickened, reborn, within me. I arise again to purpose and passion. Spirit alive makes body alive less relevant. Old habits die hard, but loosed is better than bound. Ain't no body gonna hold my spirit down. I will arise and go to my Father.
Father, the clear thing for me tonight is that the only way I am going to, or can, serve any purpose, establish any value, is through truly living. Know spirit, know living.
Just asking that question made feeling quieter.
I had gotten to leaning on feeling, depending on it as a reference. In that case, even physical pain is a strong thing and can become an anchoring place.
The only problem is that any feeling is a false anchor. Relying on feeling when there is nothing else seems so right. Relying on feeling when there is so much more is an entirely different thing.
Knowing God, even just a little bit, takes away the supreme position of feeling. The soul can no longer dominate. At that moment, the true head of the man, his own spirit, is quickened and steps back up to headship. I can choose to give over to my soul, but I do not ever have to again.
I am made alive again my the Spirit of God. My spirit is quickened, reborn, within me. I arise again to purpose and passion. Spirit alive makes body alive less relevant. Old habits die hard, but loosed is better than bound. Ain't no body gonna hold my spirit down. I will arise and go to my Father.
Father, the clear thing for me tonight is that the only way I am going to, or can, serve any purpose, establish any value, is through truly living. Know spirit, know living.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Off to a good start
I started a new adventure this morning. I have asked a guide to lead me over an otherwise impassable pass.
You see, it is not impossible. I just need help. Not only do I need help, but I also need to get to the other side. And I also need to be changed in the process. I need the change more than I need the other side.
The Word says that He restores my soul. That is what is going on. There is a glorious, and God-glorifying way that my mind, will and emotions were meant to be, but are not. The closer they are to design, the more my King gets that glory that is his. I want that real bad. I ache to honor the one who rescued me. What wouldn't you do for your hero?
I will acknowledge and celebrate that other good things will result from the restoration of my soul, but the only thing that can matter first being shiny to shine on the one who ransomed me.
Father, for your glory, help me to attend faithfully to the effort of the guide you have placed in my path. I know that she is earnest and able.
You see, it is not impossible. I just need help. Not only do I need help, but I also need to get to the other side. And I also need to be changed in the process. I need the change more than I need the other side.
The Word says that He restores my soul. That is what is going on. There is a glorious, and God-glorifying way that my mind, will and emotions were meant to be, but are not. The closer they are to design, the more my King gets that glory that is his. I want that real bad. I ache to honor the one who rescued me. What wouldn't you do for your hero?
I will acknowledge and celebrate that other good things will result from the restoration of my soul, but the only thing that can matter first being shiny to shine on the one who ransomed me.
Father, for your glory, help me to attend faithfully to the effort of the guide you have placed in my path. I know that she is earnest and able.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Daddy. I love that sound. I love to say Daddy. And know I am heard. I still don't know why I keep forgetting.
Daddy. Help. Help me live in the way that brings you the Glory. Help me live in excellence. Remove the habits of anxiety from my soul. You restore my soul. There is junk in me in the way of excellence. I want to be shiny for you.
Daddy. Help. Help me live in the way that brings you the Glory. Help me live in excellence. Remove the habits of anxiety from my soul. You restore my soul. There is junk in me in the way of excellence. I want to be shiny for you.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Good Grace
Some days are easier than others. Difference now is that the days are not easier because the circumstances are easier, but rather because I remember to stay in the embrace of grace, and let myself be carried through upon the everlasting arms of love. It is getting easier to love, as the habits of expecting to love, regardless of the response, are daily formed and reinforced. I expect days when, on my own, it would be much harder to love. But the supply of love is so infinitely large.
I am reminded of how much I could have used this in the past. But a big part of expecting to love now exists in me because I did not have it then. God, it was such a barren existence. The dryness of it made me thirsty for real living water.
The pleasure of the writing, now, is that the memory of my dry hard ground still hurts. And so it tells me that my soul is still in need of healing. Help me, Papa to forgive and heal. Help me to release the hurts. Make me more and more like Christ.
I am reminded of how much I could have used this in the past. But a big part of expecting to love now exists in me because I did not have it then. God, it was such a barren existence. The dryness of it made me thirsty for real living water.
The pleasure of the writing, now, is that the memory of my dry hard ground still hurts. And so it tells me that my soul is still in need of healing. Help me, Papa to forgive and heal. Help me to release the hurts. Make me more and more like Christ.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Bad Feelings
A life of grace is very good. A life in the Holy Wild is good. It is a life where knowing reigns supreme. Where knowing that everything worth wondering about is settled. So when a question arises, the answer is "Finished." The answer is "Yes and Amen." Then what is left is feelings, too. These feelings in a restored soul are love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, longsuffering (why do I always forget that last one?)
From the vantage point of my Father's lap, it is clear that there is healing available for the soul who pursues it. There is indeed a balm in Gilead. Maybe only after an aching soul gets a chance to see the damage being done by leading others to ache as well, will they seek the balm for someone else, and come in contact with it themselves. One touch of Grace is all it takes.
Father, heat the balm to cause the aroma of "finished" to linger. Contrast it with false satisfaction. Use your church to walk daily in the contrast. I was broken, but now I am whole. I ached, but now I am at rest.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
20101201
Yesterday I did not want to go to the house after work. I wanted to be among people. So I had a restaurant meal, and then a cup of coffee at a coffee shop. At the restaurant I introduced my self to the manager, a more than superficial encounter. At the coffee shop I openly listened to a nearby conversation.
Tonight I wanted to come straight home. There was an immediate activity planned, and then a specific home cooked meal anticipated. Oh, yeah. And a new acquisition, a tool.
In neither case was there anyone else in the house, nor the ready prospect of it. Well, no flesh and bones.
I think that there are days when I want the Holy Ghost, and other times I want the Holy Ghost in men and women. I am amazed at watching love worked out in people. I think maybe men and women want to love like God loves. It is not just that they want to be with Him, to be reconnected, but that they know they were made to be lovers. They ache when they are empty and have nothing to offer except themselves.
I have to look for people who have made themselves available to Love. Help me in this, Father.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
How Deep Does Satisfaction Go?
How many layers of itch are there? How many places does a soul have which crave satisfaction?
In my soul each one is connected to an unreleased hurt, an unforgiven slight stored away to fester and need attention. What does a satisfied soul look like? Can you imagine a person who does not need anything fixed? Can I imagine that for my self?
Why bother? Because there is a resting place for every one of those itchy places. It is like a challenge when Father dares me to trust Him with every tiniest little booboo. I am willing to let Him heal my soul in big splashy ways. Giving Him all of me to cleanse and restore requires surrendering every moment as it arises. I can not recognize all of the places all at one time. It is my walk, bumping into my world and its people that exposes each opportunity. So all day long I choose God or me, God or me, God or me, God or me. Who am I going to trust with this issue?
I am so grateful for the gift of Your Holy Spirit, Father. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for staying near to point out the places where I am listening to pride, who tells me "that one is too small for God. You can handle it yourself."
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Nothing like a great worship song.
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .
PLEASE take hold of my hand, that
I might understand you
Won't you please
Oh won't you
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .
Won't you please
Oh won't you
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me, Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .
PLEASE take hold of my hand, that
I might understand you
Won't you please
Oh won't you
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .
Won't you please
Oh won't you
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me, Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
OM M M M M M M M M M M M M M
M M M My Lord . . .
George Harrison
Friday, October 22, 2010
He Restores My Soul
He Restores My Soul.
My unrestored soul is making lots of noise. Heart ache. At a time like this, it makes no difference how good or bad my day was.
So the promise is, that there is a resting place for and from this heart ache. All I have to do is turn toward my place of refuge. I will find not just relief there, but my healing as well.
Wow. There it is. Just like that.
Thank you, Father for your faithfulness.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Lunchtime Post 20101013
Tortellini, Red Wine Vinegar and Black Pepper
Fear was my default setting. It is what you could expect. Well, not really. The default position you would see was controlling behavior.
I realized last week that I have been back in church, in a real pursuit of some aspect of Christianity, for twenty years. Now please understand that most of that was not spent well. (That is a whole 'nother topic.) But I was expecting the process to reset my default. Even now, after "20 years in the Way" I see the same default setting in my soul.
He restores my soul. That is my default expectation, my hope, and a place on which I rest.
I will rejoice in The Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
Praise and Worship can not come from my mouth at the same time as controlling words.
So should I control the controlling words, or just keep my mouth full of my response to my Father's loving kindness and tender mercy?
Fear was my default setting. It is what you could expect. Well, not really. The default position you would see was controlling behavior.
I realized last week that I have been back in church, in a real pursuit of some aspect of Christianity, for twenty years. Now please understand that most of that was not spent well. (That is a whole 'nother topic.) But I was expecting the process to reset my default. Even now, after "20 years in the Way" I see the same default setting in my soul.
He restores my soul. That is my default expectation, my hope, and a place on which I rest.
I will rejoice in The Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
Praise and Worship can not come from my mouth at the same time as controlling words.
So should I control the controlling words, or just keep my mouth full of my response to my Father's loving kindness and tender mercy?
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