In a Box

It does not really matter how big the box is.

Keeping a box to hide in is the thing.

Describe the box to explain it away, to rational-lies the holding of it. "Well, it is only a ________ box, so it is not the kind you mean."

If the box separates the joints of the church, then God is opposed to it. Not me, just my box.

My box is made of pride. Other things to make it look different, "customized." But pride that says that I can construct a hiding place for my self that will be sufficient.

Then how come, pride, I feel, know, that my box is inadequate?

Because that is the work of the Spirit. Sure, I feel fear, but more, I feel naked.

This is primal stuff. I am not alone. Sure, this is my personal walk. It is just that everyone has one, too.

I guess everyone does not choose a box. What do they choose...when not choosing to trust Dad? As someone with a box habit, I will bet the alternatives look foolish to me.

Father, forgive my pride and habit of pride. I am not able to protect myself, and as long as I try, I can not give love. I want help getting out of the box. I want help abandoning the box and the box habit. I want to walk away from pride and the sin of self sufficiency. Most, I want not to go away from sin, but to walk habitually toward you and with you, leaning on you.

Please restore my fascination with you and my revulsion with pride.

Father, be glorified in your church.

Strength in Surrender

My soul will never be strong enough to weather the storms. Thankfully, it does not need to be. My soul can shut up and rest on my spirit. My spirit is bound to His Spirit, and nothing is stronger. I am going to know what to say when. I am going to know when to be very still, and when to use my mouth to war for my corner of the Kingdom of God.

I think there is more time needed in stillness. Not sure? Well, I am going to try that as the first wise choice and see how it works. There is no pulling words back.

I want so to proudly prove my little orphan self is capable of self care. To do so, though, I have to act on my own. Father will not aid my defense of foolishness.

Father, thank you that you have clearly described and defined your self. Thank you that you have left no need for doubt. If I have doubt it is because I brought it to the party.

I'm Angry

and I do not want to be. Dad says to put away wrath. O.K.

Oh. I am tired. But does that just mean that the anger gets through? Maybe. And that means that the anger is there, just under. Not good. Not love. Especially if it wants to get all over somebody.

The stuff I am trying to do for my self is not working. (It is not able to.)

I am still addicted to my abilities. I am still proud of what I can do.

Daddy just waits. He is outside of time and can afford to let me find surrender again. God help me. I am afraid that I will give up on You and trust myself even when I know that I drop the ball every time. Be glorified in me. Father, be glorified in Your children.

Simple

I have found rest for my soul in a spiritual relationship with the God of the Jews. I have found that this rest, and this relationship, are available by faith to those who will exercise that faith. Faith in God was the foundation of the relationship Abraham had. Nothing else is required. As one man has been wont to say, "All you need is faith in God."

You may say that you do not want to have a spiritual relationship with this God, and in response I say, "Drivel. Poppycock." Your desire for God is the driving force in your life. Your desire for God explains every decision you have made.

The challenge at hand is that you have already given dominion over your life to another god. The best god you have found is you. And you will have to choose between God and other gods. The only encouragement I have is for you to pause and realize that, though you are fully devoted to the little god called self, self has yet to give you any sort of satisfaction. You give your all to your god, but you still ache.

Father, thank you for simple truth.

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What a delight to talk to my boy. Family contact is not as distracting as non-family contact. Dad likes family, and He says that there is good when we look away from One Thing, when we look at family. He made family a picture of the Kingdom.

The draw of One Thing never lets up. It takes deliberate choice to turn from adoration. You'd think I was saying that I am there all of the time, but it is so far from true. I can imagine a time coming when I stay lost in there for days. I used to think that required circumstances, like going for a week or a month to Kansas City. Now I know that nothing is required beyond faith. I do not depend on intimacy, it just means I am putting my faith somewhere else. When I am not lost in Love, when I am looking up the path and guiding myself with my own eyes, rather than leaning out the arm of my beloved, gazing lost upon Him, and depending my movement on His, then I am a proud adulterer or idolater.

Father, you have helped me in my earth life so much today. You have given me victory over my enemies, and you shown me how to love and pray. I keep missing...and you keep on encouraging me. Thank you.