You may say that you do not want to have a spiritual relationship with this God, and in response I say, "Drivel. Poppycock." Your desire for God is the driving force in your life. Your desire for God explains every decision you have made.
The challenge at hand is that you have already given dominion over your life to another god. The best god you have found is you. And you will have to choose between God and other gods. The only encouragement I have is for you to pause and realize that, though you are fully devoted to the little god called self, self has yet to give you any sort of satisfaction. You give your all to your god, but you still ache.
Father, thank you for simple truth.
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