Trust

Inadequate gratitude.  Yup.  Gotta be.

I find myself not trusting the goodness I see in my circumstances at the moment.  It is easy to manufacture a story that contradicts what I see.

My mind is too available to lies.  I am not busy enough recognizing grace and mercy, and expressing gratitude.  Ingrate!

I am not an ingrate.  I just do not have gratitude habits.  No.  I do not have adequate gratitude habits.

Enough analysis.

Daddy, thank you for loving me with the Blood of Jesus.  Thank you, Father for redeeming me from the mire.  Thank you finding me when I was not even looking for you.  Thank you for holding me while I struggle to prove you are faithless.  Thank  you for refusing to let me go back to my idols.

Thank you for flooding my life with things to be grateful for, so I can develop better and better habits of gratitude.

Thanks, Daddy.

Grateful, not Dead

Accord v White Tail doe.  No real contest.  Accord needs fixing.  White Tail beyond fixing.

Occurs to me that there is no time to react.

When the event is going to happen, it is too late to act to prevent.  The prevention, if it is going to happen, has to happen in advance.  Loss mitigation was in place.  Incident prevention was not.

It has been a while since I was in an accident.  I am going to learn from this one and use it.

But mostly, I am going to thank my Father in Heaven for his love.

I like comments.  At the least, they mean someone is reading.  Even better when my Sister is the commenter.

The setting is entirely too weird.  But remember.  I am out.  Read the post, Out.
I just keep forgetting.

That becomes the essential question.  Why do I keep forgetting how loved I am?
But that takes me to Wow, amazing how loved I am and how often I am aware of it and grateful for it when I am aware.

Can it be that the love of God really is so big that I can stand in the mire and be overwhelmed with goodness?  I am so ungrateful.

Daddy, forgive me.  You are so good to me.  You surround me with love.  You catch me when I stumble.  And sometimes I remember to thank you and celebrate.

Please show me the other side.  Grant me a vision of the future on the other side of this transformational season.  Sure, I want to run away.  Help me run away to you now.  I am so sorry but you are still worth, no matter what I do and say wrong.

I felt your hand on me this morning when I was in challenging times.  Thank you.  Please do not remove your hand of favor from me and your family here in Florence.

Gratitude is Moving Barriers

I felt better physically today than I have in a long time.  I don't know why, but I have some ideas.  The key thing at the moment is that I do not need to know why.  I just need to say thank you.  So thank you, Father.

Two things are changing, and they are really one thing.  Prayer is becoming normal, and gratitude is becoming normal prayer.  Prayer is flowing like water.  I got my song back this morning, walking through WalMart.  I am excited about what is next.  There was the turn of a corner two weeks ago at church.  I am going back tomorrow, expecting.  Expecting God.

I am grateful for the things that have driven me deeper into the embrace of God.  I find nothing in my heart keeping me from praying for people who are being used to drive me there.  That really is where the water flows the most freely.  I can not imagine asking God for adversity, but I also cannot imagine a more amazing season of faith than now.

I still see so much pride operating in my life, and wonder what life in Christ will be like on the other side of that.  And I know I will find out.  And thank you for that as well.

Rob Bell has a new gig

I heard yesterday the at Rob Bell was doing something different. Searched a little and did not see much reaction. Maybe folks have moved on.

Love Wins or its advent was such a big thing. I know I was more interested in reading and forming my own opinion because of all the hubbub. And I think much of that was meant to safeguard us.

I just went back to the book. Can't say for sure what I got last time, but this time I just got bored. Those thoughts had already been provoked. And pondered. and prayed.

I think they thought there was something special enough about Rob that what he said would have a greater impact that the utterances of another man. I suspect that there is nothing that special about any of us. Maybe we have more influence for a season, like a light bulb that one day will burn out or break.

How does the influence of a man, even an inspired man, even a God-inspired man, compare with the splendor God has displayed all around? Isn't it his loving kindness that does the trick? Okay, it may sometimes be his lovingkindness as demonstrated by his Church.

How will they believe?, the scripture asks. When they hear that there is an answer, and what the answer is. But don't they have to have the question first? Don't they first have to have a glimpse of something that makes the wonder about the Matrix? What if they had the question, asked the question, got the wrong answer, drank that KoolAid, settled on a path and persevered?

Need help. Look for help. Ask for help. Receive help. Be grateful for help. Say so.

So I guess what I am asking, Father, is if a man can distract a man from God? Without the mans cooperation?

To me you are too wonderful for that. And I am so grateful for that.

What Freedom Feels Like

Without bondage, how do the free appreciate their freedom?

It almost makes me want to ...
No, I can and must appreciate the bondage. In all things I will give thanks. Even in what I am being walked out of.

Especially when it looks like the littlest thing. I think lots of times the littlest thing is like the tip of what is following. That little thing is not discrete, but is really just the first crossing over we can observe.

So much of my life has been in context to a reference. A human reference and authority. Now that my reference, standard and authority is not human, the habits of human approval can be abandoned.

I made a decision today that is contrary. And of course you know that if I act contrary, that is supposed to make me contrary, and I have been well trained to not be contrary. Today I am going to act contrary, and it is not going to make me anything.

What I am is already set. Thank you, Father.

grateful

No limits to gratitude. To how much is appropriate. To how much is possible. Not even within human limits. Just because the grateful one has to sleep, this does not limit how worthy our God is of our gratitude. There is more due than a human can produce. I must be content with the knowledge that you, Father, will receive what is yours.

In the mean time, I will do my best to do my best to do my best, to say thank you, Father.
My best just ain't good enough.

This really is thematic at the moment. The certain knowledge that I can not get it all right, but that I can always do my best.

I want my best to be good enough, so I never fail anyone, and no one is ever disappointed with me, and no one is ever angry or upset with me. Clearly, I am in the season where that disease is in need of dying. I just wish it would die soon, and without any pain for me. Ah, fantasy.

I want to be content with the fact that, despite the response of others, I will always do my best. That can become, maybe is, an idol too.

How do I stay lost in your love and splendor, Father? How to I find ALL of my satisfaction in the One Thing? Help me.

Thank You, Father.

Help me thank you. Help me live the life that thanks you. Help me find how to live the life that fully embodies gratitude. I know that I am not living now in the way that most expresses the meaning of what you have done for me.

You have given me gifts and talents that are irrevocable. You did it for me at the same time that you did it for you. I am not expressing those gifts. Forgive me and help me to thank you with the life you put in me.

Yes. In some ways I am living that way. Write now I am. I do not discount it. There is just so much more that you are worthy of.

There is no limit to what you are worthy of.

Stable and Fixed

Disturbing. Applying the adjective gives it power to disturb. Where nothing has the power to disturb except the Holy One. Everything which can be shaken will be shaken. Everything built by the hand of man, everything built upon the foundations of this world can be shaken and will be shaken down. So what is built upon the Rock will stand.

Hunkering down. Establishing a fresh relationship with the overwhelming stability of God, the utter immovability. It helps to get very low to do that. It helps to put hands, even head down on the ground and feel the stability of God contrasted with the trembling of the earth. Meditating on the complete trustworthiness of our Father.

Pneuma moves in a way which removes even the thought of resting anything physical on her. So how then is she dependable? She is never not there. (No offense meant to those who have trouble with attributing femininity to an aspect of God.) She is never not there. The Word of God is clear that Jesus sent the Spirit of God. No word of a departure. The Spirit has taken up residence within me. There is nowhere to go apart from the Spirit of God. When I look to God Who Is Present, now that is the Spirit of God. Here. Now. Right here. Right now.

Seated in heavenly places. That is where you have placed me. Places made heavenly not by fluffy white clouds, naked baby angels and harp music, but made heavenly, NOW, by your fulfilling your own desire to be very near. Nearer than my breath. You have payed the immeasurable price so that there are no obstacles between us. And so here you are, creating my NOW reality. Thank you. It is your will that in all things I am grateful. And so, give thanks.

Gratitude Grows with Gratitude

Gratitude grows with gratitude.

It is good to remember a gift. It is better to remember and express thanksgiving. The gates of grace open wide.

How the nations do rage. There was never just one moment of refusing to say thank you. Longstanding patterns of habit. Cultural disinclination toward gratitude expressed to God. Habits of thanking the wrong god. Habits of thanking, congratulating self. Habits of uttering acknowledgement of a god as the source, without any personal knowledge of the truth, making the utterance a rut. So habits grow with habitual steps, digging the rut ever deeper.

After a while, even thinking about gratitude, therefore thinking about gifts to be grateful for,brings the life of God. Or brings me to the spout where the Glory comes out. Walking in pursuit of living water and gratitude for it brings life. Seeing where life is touching darkness brings vision for restoration.

My God, you are good!

Someone To Talk To

I really needed somebody to talk to last night. I know that is what the church is for. I was not with the church. I was on the road. But that did not change the fact that I really needed someone other than me to talk to. Everything me had to say was making it worse.

Spirit God. Just there waiting for me to remember.

I suppose that is the reason people are always on their mobiles. They find their life in community. I have always wondered how anyone could have so much to talk about. Widget on the ear, always talking. Maybe as a result, it never occurred to me to call someone. The only person I call is my son. Most folks at work are part of my tribe, good to talk with, but rarely beyond News, Sports, Weather.

And it is so rare that I come to a place where I have to admit that I need help.

Spirit God. Just there waiting for me to remember.

Father, I am so grateful that Holy Spirit is real and here for me. And for the whole church. But last night, for me. I am sorry that I forget. I know that you understand me, even when I don't. Patience is your name.

I want more. I don't want just to run to you. I want to function from your presence. Thank you for understanding. Please keep me. Do not let me fall utterly.

Free

Free.
Free to dance or not.
Free to be loud or not.
Free to agree or not.
Free to believe weird stuff...or not.
Free to say no.
Free to say yes.
Free to say maybe.
Free to be loved and have that be absolutely enough.
Free to be grateful because it is the answer.
Free to live like the child of the King, and treat everyone else like that, too.
Free to feel sorry but not be sorry.

Thanks for my home, Daddy. Thanks for my family.

Thanksgiving

as an alternative to Foreboding.

I am so addicted to controlling the lives of the people around me. Fortunately, today I have seen signs of deliverance. Today I only wanted to change what I could, instead of wanting to and doing it. So I have left myself open to pain. There can be only one explanation. I am okay, and I am going to be okay.

So the only thing to do at this point is to give thanks for the deliverance and healing. And give thinks for bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine and ten thousand beside. Great is Thy Faithfulness. Great is Thy Faithfulness. Morning by morning, new Mercies I see. All I have needed Thy Hand hath provided. Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Everyone involved is okay. And is going to be okay.

Daddy, why do I crawl off of Your lap? I am so happy that you welcome me back every time.

more than enough SHADDAI

So much life, even among the dead. The passions of humans, lost as a goose in a snowstorm, and desperate from some reference that will satisfy and sustain.

That is why I am so excited to meet somebody who is still physically alive. There is still hope. They are still hungry for "best." They may have found good, they may have found better, but not yet best. My God, what a glorious thing to find out that they have everything except the very fountain of living love inside. Overflowing with human life, but afraid even then to flow because they know there is no refill.

I ran into a friend last night who was grieving. What a delight to let him. To know that there was no ache or agony that needed to flow from him that could overcome the power of love that needs to flow from me. So my delight in Christ met his tragedy, and Christ won. He will come back for more. He will know that he came in contact with the extraordinary and he will want more.

Father, I am so grateful that there is more.

That you are more than enough, and that there is no limit to how much of you I can give away.

Biscuits

I made scratch biscuits today. My "Ratios" book has been fantastic reading, but I found I had not made much of what Michael wrote about. Bread 5/3, Pate au chou (don't remember the ratio or how to spell it. Creme puff dough and dumpling dough. Great dumplings.),and the best pancake recipe in the world.

Since I live in biscuit territory, the land of soft white wheat, I wanted to try this recipe. And my sister had sent my son Vermont maple syrups, so we had to have something to put them on. You know. Just gotta.

I know two things for certain. 1. Best biscuits I ever put my mouth on. Sorry, Mom. (Maybe because I made them.) 2. Not the same quick bread product served here abouts. Not going to ruin me for a Bojangles' biscuit. Just not going to confuse the two very different foods.

So...Holy Wild?

God cares about food. Read His book, if you doubt. I am not going to write a food blog, but I am also not going to miss a chance to express my gratitude.

Father, thank you for biscuits, and all that they are and mean. Thank you for South Carolina winter wheat, that SHOUTS out of the ground in the spring, proclaiming the power of Your economy. Thank you for dairy, and the long relationship your children have had with dairy animals. Thank you for fresh butter and milk that make this recipe all that it is. Thank you for salt. Whole libraries can be written to extol this marvelous mineral that ties us to the earth from which we came and to which our bodies will return. For baking powder. For man and his oven. For Michael Ruhlman. For cook books, the sharing of food stories down generations.

In this case, thank You for honey and maple syrup. Get that now. How bizarre are those two sweets, and so different. How many ways You have hidden / stored away the sweetness you built our mouths to crave.

Satisfaction and Gratitude

The obverse of the coin is gratitude. Our Heavenly Father is the source of perfect satisfaction, in Christ and by His Holy Spirit. He says that His will is our gratitude, our giving thanks in all things.

Receiving the manifest Kingdom and giving Him thanks for it are tandem and inseparable. There is nothing like breathing in Love and breathing out thanksgiving. In fact, there is nothing better, and there is no substitute. It is spiritual respiration. Many other things are excellent and characteristic of the Kingdom of God. But nothing gets done without breathing in the Kingdom and breathing out thanksgiving.

Hallel u jah