Tarred

Only one reason. Pride. If I trusted God instead of myself I wouldn't be so wrapped up trying to hold my world together. This existence is hard to maintain with the strength of one person. Especially one broken person.

And then I am trying to rescue everyone else, at least emotionally, at the same time. I can not even take care of myself, and here I go determined to keep the whole frackin' world happy.

As a consequence I have become a good enough liar that I am really beginning to fool somebody. Only problem is that the somebody is me. To everyone else I am just as bad a liar as they are. Some of them even know it.

Father, I sure hope that all of this means I am close to some sort of turning point. Or at least to get wiped off so I don't feel so scummy for a while. At least none of this fools you...or puts you off your love for me. Stinky, I get to lean back and listen to the unwavering beat of your heart. What a marvel is your loving kindness. It continues to draw me to you and away from my mess.

Thank you. And of course Bill reminded us that there is going to be a mess where anything real is going on.